I have thought consistently about this blog for the past 6 months, wondering if I should return during a busy, challenging time of life. I suppose that my inability to ‘let it go’ speaks to my desire to come back to it, this little blog, and speak again with my readers. It’s funny - I am so anti-technology at the moment, yet I miss the interactions I’ve had here on the blog, the emails from readers, the thoughtful comments and even my own experience writing the posts and thinking (and often re-thinking) of what exactly it is I’m trying to say.
Life has been busy. As I type that, I realize it is sort of the antithesis of what I’d hoped for a year and a half ago when I began blogging about a day well spent. I imagined a slower pace of life. I thought about living with intention and purpose. Now, 18 months later, I am flying around like one of those mad women I looked at before and silently judged for being frenetic and out of touch.
How funny life is when it needs to teach us a lesson.
For now, I will simply say that life has been crazy with mom life, wife life, work life and student life. It’s a lot of lives to cram into 24 hours, and I won't say I’ve done it well. I have shirked my duties as a mother more than once while I’ve crammed for a quiz or test, my overall reading schedule having gone off the rails as a graduate student. Work is a constant up and down, some days working an hour or two, other days going in late at night to write in the silence of a quiet office or to edit articles one more time before they go to print. My husband and I are the proverbial ships passing in the night, except we’re not nearly as eloquent or romantic about it.
So it is that I return to this blog, a bit humbled, reminded of why I began writing at all, what my goals were and how far I’ve strayed (in some ways) from my whole intention to begin with.
However, straying isn’t a crime and nothing lasts forever, not even frenetic days and long nights. If motherhood has taught me anything, it’s that this too shall pass (terrible twos, saucy teens, sleepless nights). So, rather than come to you head-in-my-hands, all sad-sack that I didn’t quite manage to live a fully intentional life in a linen dress, listening to jazz while cutting herbs from my own garden (seriously, that’s my dream), I will come to you excited to once again focus on the things that matter to me, thinking about how I want to fill my days (even if they look different than I once imagined) and how to truly spend my time so that I go to bed each night in happy sleep.
I’ll end with Anne Sexton’s words:
Can I get an amen?