As you all know, in an attempt to begin a capsule wardrobe and rid myself of unnecessary clothing, I bought new underwear a few weeks ago.
I wanted to finally go beyond the old maternity underwear I was still trucking around nearly 13 years after giving birth.
So, I bought lovely Hanky Panky underwear, spending a tidy sum, and even bought new socks and a pair of yoga pants.
My socks were dingy and neon because I bought them on sale, thinking somehow it didn't matter if I ran around town in neon pink socks and yoga pants with a hold in the bum. I covered the hole with long shirts, so why should it matter?
The truth, however, is that all of that matters to me.
I don't like wearing clothing with holes. Yes, the clothing technically still fits and, if I wear a long enough shirt, looks presentable - but readers, really? Really?
I drive a luxury SUV and took pains to buy a house in the best neighborhood I could afford. I use $58 face cleanser and have considered spending thousands of dollars having sun spots lasered off my face, but I am wearing yoga pants with holes, neon socks and maternity underwear?
I don't think I'm alone in this distorted line of thinking. I see many people who have the outward appearance of wealth/success/high standards, but one only has to scratch just beneath the surface to see the façade.
I don't say that as a criticism or dig at anyone else, but I do ask myself: why do we do this? Why is it more important to us that we carry a nice handbag (one that people will see) but not take care to wear lovely underwear?
I'm sure there is some strange psychology behind why I can buy ten pair of sandals or spend $100 on TJ Maxx t-shirts but can't for some reason take the time or spend the money on the foundational elements of a solid wardrobe like underwear or bras. And even when I do purchase new ones, which I have done in the past, I let them sit stagnant in my drawer and still wear the maternity thongs.
I think it comes down to comfort and the fact that what is familiar is comfortable and what is new may be exciting for a short time, but we almost always fall back on the familiar.
We do this in relationships, in large purchases (brand/style of car, for example) and in small purchases (coffee shops, food brands, dryer sheets).
And then, beyond comfort, there is always fear - the constant companion.
What if I need these stretched out yoga pants one day because I am bloated and crampy and don't want to wear pants that actually fit or have any shape?
I'll just keep my maternity underwear for workouts - just for period days. That's right. I won't wear them any other time.
What if I get rid of these and can't find ones just like them and have to settle for less-than-perfect yoga pants or socks or whatever?
What if I regret this decision?
I think that's the crux there. What if I regret this decision? What if I can't go back? What if there is no do-over? What if I'm stuck with the choice I make...and it's not the right one?
There's a lot of fear and anxiety there, and I'm only dealing with yoga pants, socks and underwear.
Or am I? Are the little things just windows into how we feel about the bigger things?
Today I took the old underwear, socks and yoga pants out, piled them onto the bed, took a picture for posterity and then put them all in the trash and doused them with Mrs. Meyer's dish soap, which is what I do if I want (for example) to get rid of a tray of brownies but know I'll go back and try to rationalize digging them out again.
Go ahead and judge me.
So, the ratty clothing is gone. After I tossed the garbage bag outside, I went back to fold laundry and strangely noticed a few spots on clothes I'd been ignoring. Funny how getting rid of one things sort of opens your eyes to other junk.
I also opened up a box still unpacked from our move and sorted through and shelved a few dozen books into read/unread. They're now put away, in the open, for me to see.
Who knew sorting through one's stuff could be so emotional, desperate and just kind of weird?
Has anyone been through this? Do you regret ever tossing stuff? Or does it always feel good?
Also, I normally donate clothing but felt socks with holes, maternity thongs and yoga pants with holes could be thrown out.
I'm off to get Sandy some medication and fit in a workout.